living with an extreme skier

Living with an extreme skier is not easy. I get worried sick sometimes when he goes out to do some big mountain skiing. Especially after he shows me video of what he hit or what he had to climb up. So now I don't let him tell me. I just don't want to know; it is better that way.
Well today I get the text:
"Hey babay i bit a hole in my tongue again and popped off my 2 front veneers. Stupid. So now i am at the oral surgeon getting x-rays and seeing what needs to be done, im ok call or text me"
First thing, I am relieved. He just has a hole in his tongue and a few missing teeth, thats it!
So I call him and all I hear is gibberish. I had a hard time not laughing while trying to understand him. I am so mean.
Well I guess all he needed was stitches, so they set up an appointment for a few hours later.
He comes home, followed with more gibberish. "Boy I cant understand a word your saying" I say to him.
So I then take him to the doctor. All the way in the car the husband is yelling "I AM A MONSTER!" (Buster from Arrested Development anyone?). But it sounds more like "I mmmm UH MONSHHHHHHEEEEER!"
When we walk in, the doctor makes fun of husband and his gibberish. Funny doctor...
They take husband back, and I am left with magazines.
An hour passes and I am woken up by them asking me to go back to see him. I get all the info on his meds and then husband shows me all his cool pictures on his phone he so diligently asked the doctor to take. A little too much happy gas I think.
We go get his antibiotics filled and then I run to work (late).
Husband has to go get his antibiotics on his own, and ends up going to Wendys to get a frosty. He knows he speaks gibberish now, so he types on his phone what he wants and hands it to them. I wish I could have seen that.
Now we are watching Whip It while he tries to eat some mashed potatoes. He is still speaking gibberish. I need to learn this gibberish. And fast.